06.04.08

i haven't slept peacefully in a while.
strange how you can be surrounded by people and feel so terribly alone.

and even if i do sleep, i'm always irked by these simple, strange symbolic dreams.
everyday.
every detail, every reference, every small simple thing....it all just links my mind to ____. (well, you fill in with your own assumptions...)

is it this hard to be different?

the ignorance and actions of others do affect me. but perhaps in a good way....i'm trying.
hard.

to be the one.
the best.

I feel like I've wasted all these years, built a facade from my idiotic idealism and what I think is perfection. god, i swear....i'll be good enough one day.


will you want me then?

I've realized you hurt more when you want things to be better. You never notice the pain until you think you have the opportunity to be happy.

funny, how we let our hearts take over. feelings fucks with logic. you go back, knowing you'll be stepped on. i'm blindsided. sometimes, you think being stripped of these emotions can be better, but then.....where does 'happiness' come into place? (that's what we all sought for) if we didn't need a heart....we wouldn't need anyone. so, maybe it's better.



i can hardly remember what i did the last few days...






has anyone ever taken the chance..the time...the sacrifice..to see/talk me?
let me know i'm still here.
reassurance is all i need.




much love..

-kammy.




They're talented.